Franks Jokes for this week from Suddenly Senior.
http://www.suddenlysenior.com
THIS WEEK'S T.G.F.PS. * BESTJOKES *
(Thank God for Photoshop) For the week of APRIL 30, 2006
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "EMOTICONS"
:) or :-) means a smile:( or :-( is a frown.
As a public service to our dear readers,Suddenly Senior presents "ASSICONS."
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x _) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
COMPUTER LETTER
DEAR TIDE COMPANY: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of Liquid Tide With Bleach Alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
12 STEPS FOR WEB ADDICTS
1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7. I will read a book. If I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9. I will not be tempted to check for email during TV commercials.
10. 1I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
Got a favorite joke? Share it with us. Write frank@suddenlysenior.com
posted by LadyIrene @ 5/03/2006 02:22:00 AM
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