My Dragon's Lair Sharing is the reason for my being...: Happy April Fools Day

JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE

A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type.

Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

Defense Attorney: What happened?

Little Old Woman: That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!
http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokebook2.html

The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time
(as judged by notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped)
Also check out: The Top 10 Worst April Fools Day Hoaxes Ever (Did not like!)
And: The Origin and History of April Fools Day [I like this]

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity

In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room. Comments (78) http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

Three women were stuck on an island when one finds a bottle. Out pops a magic genie and grants each a wish.

“I wish I was home”, said the brunette, and she vanishes.

“I wish I was home too,” said the redhead, and she vanishes.

The blonde looks around and says, “Gee it’s lonely here. I wish my two friends were back here.”

Scandal brews over China tea-for-urine samples

BEIJING (Reuters) - A group of Chinese reporters came up with a novel idea to test how greedy local hospitals were—pass off tea as urine samples and submit the drink for tests.

The results: six out of 10 hospitals in Hangzhou, the capital of the rich coastal province of Zhejiang, visited by the reporters over a two-day period this month concluded that the patients’ urinal tracts were infected.

Five of the hospitals prescribed medication costing up to 400 yuan ($50), the online edition of the semi-official China News Service (http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax?URL=http://www.chinanews.com) said in a report seen on Wednesday. Of the hospitals, four were state-owned.

Havidol [Oh this is a gem!]

Status: Art Project

Havidol.com is a pharmaceutical website touting a solution to Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder (DSACDAD). Havidol (avafynetyme HCI) comes in both tablet and suppository form, and should be taken indefinitely.

The site is very well made and, frankly, looks more professional than some legitimate websites.
Whilst the names of the drug are the first sign that this site shouldn't be taken seriously, there are other signs scattered throughout the site. For example:

Side effects may include mood changes, muscle strain, extraordinary thinking, dermal gloss, impulsivity induced consumption, excessive salivation, hair growth, markedly delayed sexual climax, inter-species communication, taste perversion, terminal smile, and oral inflammation.

When one goes to the 'shop' page, the only actually purchasable item is a t-shirt (ever the sign of a fake website). Clicking any of the other items opens up the webpage for the New York Daneyal Mahmood gallery, which is currently showing an exhibition based around the concept of Havidol by artist Justine Cooper.

(Thanks, Thierry.)

Posted By: Flora Date: Mon Mar 05, 2007 Permalink Comments (4)
Category: , Art, Health/Medicine, Hoax Websites

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Problems can be avoided if you take HAVIDOL only when you are able to immediately benefit from its effects. To fully benefit from HAVIDOL patients are encouraged to engage in activities requiring exceptional mental, motor, and consumptive coordination. HAVIDOL is not for you if you have abruptly stopped using alcohol or sedatives. Havidol should be taken indefinitely. Side effects may include mood changes, muscle strain, extraordinary thinking, dermal gloss, impulsivity induced consumption, excessive salivation, hair growth, markedly delayed sexual climax, inter-species communication, taste perversion, terminal smile, and oral inflammation. Very rarely users may experience a need to change physicians.

Consumer Privacy

Girls expose Ribena's false vitamin claim

Shark with ‘Webbed Feet’ Caught
A Malaysian fisherman recently caught what appeared to be a shark with webbed feet. The 1.7kg shark was given to a worker at the Malaysian Fisheries Development Board in Penang. When she noticed the feet, she gave it back to the fisherman, who threw it back into the sea.
(Thanks, Richard.) http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/

Quick Links: Princes Prank Queen’s Voicemail, etc.

Princes Prank Queen’s Voicemail
Reports have come out that Princes William and Harry recorded a message for their grandmother when she found herself confused by the workings of her voicemail.
The message allegedly says:
“Hey, wassup! This is Liz. Sorry I’m away from the throne. For a hotline to Philip, press one. For Charles, press two, and for the corgis, press three.”
(Thanks, Zoom.)

This is real not a hoax. Avoid a parking ticket - just by driving away

Last updated at 21:50pm on 27th March 2007