Saying Goodbye. Time for remembrances.
Short version: Sad news: My heart is broken. My first son has left and gone to a peaceful life from me (Summerland). It was a blessing to have him. He taught me a lot. We were lucky to find him as he had gone to die. We were able to end his suffering by taking him to our fav vet. He was obstructed and being a thin cat I could see/feel his bones so I was suspicious not all was well before this happened. There was no hope to fix it. I will be sad for a very long time. But grateful that I could help him in the end as I took care of him his 13 years with us. I will meditate and visit him in his new hunting grounds. Irene (Peace)
Long Version: My poor friend who I sent my long heart-pouring I did when I took a break from minding him. [not included].
Thank you [friends] for your kind words! It is a comfort to know the deep love and affection is shared by others who have familiars.
Being empathic and intuitive getting premonitions, I was getting Death was at my door, preparing me for reconciling and release but I thought it was the three humans I am trying to keep well here. And I usually get where I must call/go see to avoid woulda coulda shoulda to tell some one they are loved; just happens they do pass a few hours later, after the closure. I am good with that someone is pregnant and the sex. Heard of the fish dreams? I was recently at P/T for Rich and a woman I know (who I haven't seen since my stroke in 2001) and I were chatting. I asked her how many girls this one would make. She had just gotten the news herself. It just pops in my head. Or to go to a doctor; avoid going some where... Getting that I don't have time to do something and prepare is different to 'Getting' "Death" himself. So it was very disturbing.
With Kitty Cat I was seeing changes in how things were with him and the pecking order here was changing. He was loosing ground. And he was spending very nice comfort time sleeping on me. Usually I was only good for sharing my food/drink and giving him what he wanted in every way. From the day Dog found him the day after he was born; as his mother dropped him moving from my neighbor's patio. [He was still where he was found 3 hours before when I heard about it! I went around asking if any one knew how to care for kittens? Yes, put him in the nuke and watch him explode; use him for alligator bate. Well that made me for sure know he was only safe with me!] He was being eaten alive by the ants. [In a very short time a poor lizard or baby bird can disappear fast! Only bones left to show their fate.] Stone said he wouldn't survive w/o her. I said that is a challenge I am up to! And he was our miracle. I took care of one end, Dog took care of the other. Since then it was he who ruled the roost. It was preparation for the 40 I raised in '96 for a rescue group. [People tend to see a litter and pick them up; their mom might have gone huntin! If you take anything, bring every one! Especially Mom! Leave them alone if she is too wild! Feed them and later take the kittens when they are weaned! The chase will be fun! So they have a chance at being domesticated. As Animal Control and the Humane Society will destroy them if they are wild! There might be some one you can find who are advocates for ferel cats?] From 1 day - 8 weeks old. And if Dog wouldn't take care of one it would be found to be sick by Stone. She would snarl and turn away. Huge hint! Being warehoused with other cats, and dogs, $800 (paid out because their vet wouldn't do what they needed.) and 4 months later Rich hit the roof! That ended. [Imagine trying to do this in a house with some one who does NOT like cats!] The woman in charge was so Mad that none died. I said I had help and I napped when they did, Dog told me when they woke...so I was always aware. I thought they gave 2 tape worm medicine like I asked and Dog told me they were in convulsions! Impacted; almost died! If they escaped my kitchen she'd hunt them for me. Like the drug dogs she only hesitates, a very subtle indication. And there they were. I got YeSiAm [Beautiful], Tiger, and Tigger [brothers] being involved with them. Stone told me I was going crazy and that mine would only be healthy when I stopped bringing in sick ones. And I feel that (although only) a small dent in the millions (they) began the world right. Sent with prayers that they would meet good fortune when I sent them out into the world. Rich was my finger in the dam. Saying NO! Or who knows who I would have! I'd be like that poor woman who had her house condemned by the county for having over 200 cats! She didn't castrate and couldn't say no. A [rescue] advocate who lost control.
Last week I was hanging out in the car and I took some photos that weren't great, and the thought said to keep them all. As I regretted erasing others for another cat. Even an imperfect photo would have been one more I have. And I told him I was going to check why he was skinny. That he was a pedigree stray, thin his whole life is fine. So I was working on some thing wasn't right. And I was preparing Rich that Cats that don't come home go off to die. And I told Rich he was not coming home from Stone. Cat chose Rich as favorite. The first thing Stone said he was too thin, it was his dyeing time, right before his bladder was going to Explode! 13 was his life cycle. I wish I can find a Dr so compassionate as him! Instead of the slow way, he gave the medicine right into his heart instead of the arm vein. It was he who said what I had was not cat scratch and it wasn't getting better. [Seeing me every week for the kittens who I found had ringworm ~ fungus ~ highly contagious between species, and I would be legally liable if I gave them away knowing this! Mom probably got it from dirt-digging up a rodent hole.] Seek different medical care! He said not to tell them a VET told me! And it was Impetigo. [highly contagious. Luckily I was almost in quarantine already, avoiding contact with my friends.] I have a susceptibility to Staph since having it in my lungs last year. It is on our skin all the time. Just when it [the skin] is cut open 'it' can enter. And the kids have been using me like a squirrel would a tree! [I don't think I can be vain any more about my legs] I would wash right away but it still happened.
Since I was young I have been given animals to take care of. I think from being mostly deaf I became friends more with them than people (since they I could communicate with). And I was not alone. If I had understood and known about spirits guides I wouldn't have sent my Collie away when I saw him as real as the here and now. "This isn't happening! You've been dead for 6 months" I squeezed my eyes shut and then he was gone. I was 14. What did I know? Last year I shocked my neighbor who got bitten by my most sweetest (gentle) cat, not telling me the details. I sat and had a chat with him, and I told her the details. How did I know that? It was like flashes in my head of what happened. Who runs a scared animal around the house and is surprised when cornered he bites?? I do tell people that if you trust and believe you can have a two way communication, and NOT [to expect] what is on TV with those pet psychics! I don't 'Get" that! It is more basic. Simple needs, wants, food, water, clean box, happy~contentness. I am having a problem with _? Or Mom I am in pain and nothing is happening when I pee!
Because I realized I wasn't helping by being filled with grief! Sobbing, feeling his Pain! Kitty was groaning in pain and I followed his lead and I began the Mantra OM and then Ya Salam (Source & Peace) soon he was quiet and we both felt better.
To gain control over my TIA's and stress I thought going back for more intense guided meditations would be good for me. Just last week I put it to my teacher when I meditate how do I desensitizing myself to what I get. So I don't get a shock wave with things. She is working on the answer. I was talking recently about learning protection, which I haven't gotten. So it inhibits me from long meditations or doing Reiki. Knowing that I am missing out on conversations with Granma.
[A friend said it was some thing to become an expert on! 1 major stroke/7 tia's. Mine don't last the normal 24/48 hours. More like 2-3 weeks. This last one really benefited from a change of strategy and was only 7 days. It is said mini/small stroke. But to me a stroke is a stroke is a stroke. Just how do you survive and over come what it does to you is important. And I said I see it as a learning curve to be able to help others. I am learning new resources to share. Rich says I am SO lucky it doesn't kill me as it does so many thousands a year. But I think it is also outlook... It is up to me. This one I didn't seek medical help for because I have not gotten any before. I feel like a research object and a way to run up the bills on my insurance. And they get mad I cannot do MRI's as I have metal in my head.]
I am getting guilt from the my experience that older cats die soon after being unhappy about young ones being brought into the fold. They are too old to adapt what once was accepted when younger? And say you don't need me? Or they shut down from illness or depression that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't thought God/dess gives me what I can handle and who need me to protect and help them if they are ill. Is it coincidence? Or did I cause this to happen? I thought it would be like when I brought Si home. [At 4 I noticed she was loosing weight and she didn't come home from Stone. That was an unexpected shock! I learned not to question his decision as my bill ran up for tests that proved him right! I don't do that any more!] He got rage! Broke my nose (I was cuddling him he threw back his head and between his (very long) fangs went my nose, which is thin from a nose job at 14.) and would ambush me. He has a real strong left hook! And I'd look like I met Dracula! But they bonded and became best friends. With the new kids on the block he got back his rage, and Happy (-go-lucky-) Hunter [15 months old] (who became 'stud muffin' when MiLady came into heat, at her every beck and call! I chose
Mi Sun for him and they decide on their own who they wanted.) and Tigger [10 years old] mellowed first. It took Tigger a year to accept Happy. I thought in the end would be different from this! One happy family. And Rich thinks this killed His cat! I cannot win! Find Peace?!
I grieve for your own losses. They will never be forgotten. And we always refer back to what we learned from our kindred spirits. It is all part of nature and I believe some of us learn not to hold on and put off the inevitable. For whose benefit? Let them go and set them free!
With love and affection: Irene Thank YOU! [edited from original & content was deleted/added.]
posted by LadyIrene @ 3/27/2006 11:21:00 AM
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