Get Well Soon
I am pondering my life and why I didn't die.
About my traveling I am just a little nervous. And I cannot stop thinking about wanting to know what the doctors did to me to save my life. I am confused. I lost 6 hours + and Rich has tried to fill me in from his witnessing what happened.
I am confused. I thought I had taken my last breath, wondering how long I could go without air and stay of sound mind or alive. And although I was unable to move or talk, I was aware of what they were saying and doing to my body. This I did hear: they found my swollen throat was blocked with blood. Where was it from and why was this? And they were not able to push the air tube into my lungs, it kept going into my stomach. I absolutely must not put off getting a Medic Alert bracelet. How many times I have taken the paper home? Then I went to my private thoughts. That I was thinking that I was happy in this life, I had a lot of good and was learning a lot. But then I thought I had let go of this worldly Universe, if that was to be my new destiny, to go on to some other dimension or adventure or new place.
About my traveling I am just a little nervous. And I cannot stop thinking about wanting to know what the doctors did to me to save my life. I am confused. I lost 6 hours + and Rich has tried to fill me in from his witnessing what happened.
I am confused. I thought I had taken my last breath, wondering how long I could go without air and stay of sound mind or alive. And although I was unable to move or talk, I was aware of what they were saying and doing to my body. This I did hear: they found my swollen throat was blocked with blood. Where was it from and why was this? And they were not able to push the air tube into my lungs, it kept going into my stomach. I absolutely must not put off getting a Medic Alert bracelet. How many times I have taken the paper home? Then I went to my private thoughts. That I was thinking that I was happy in this life, I had a lot of good and was learning a lot. But then I thought I had let go of this worldly Universe, if that was to be my new destiny, to go on to some other dimension or adventure or new place.
I thought last of Rich, picturing him behind the curtain knowing that I was thinking of him, and then I thought of my Mi Sun and his brother. I guess they are my favorite kittens. And then I know of nothing else.
~ About 10 minutes after I arrived to ER they started the Crash Unit at 12 midnight. ~ Till Rich is ready to leave about 6am with me sitting in the bed in Critical Care like nothing had happened. What did they do? How did I survive? Why am I still here? Well some of the answers I know. But I rarely am in a state of why am I here and what is my purpose? But that is all I can think of.
And Rich is still saying that I am going to out live him! My God! I almost didn't! I was just lucky that I did a few things before hand and chose the right place to go when I did, or I wouldn't be.
Rich said they worked on me for over an hour. And the condition I was in with blood on my mouth, gown and sheets. And there was a black crash box with tools, and a yellow one that said "difficult" unopened. He says I kept trying to open my eyes and keep my head from being on the bed. He was trying to tell me to relax and rest. I finally did when he was stroking my forehead. Gosh I know I like that. See I don't have to be conscious to like a kind act.
Rich said they worked on me for over an hour. And the condition I was in with blood on my mouth, gown and sheets. And there was a black crash box with tools, and a yellow one that said "difficult" unopened. He says I kept trying to open my eyes and keep my head from being on the bed. He was trying to tell me to relax and rest. I finally did when he was stroking my forehead. Gosh I know I like that. See I don't have to be conscious to like a kind act.
Update 6/12: I don't have a question so much of why I am still here, now. As I am continuing to do the good I can while here on this Earth. And taking care of Rich and the kids and enjoying friends.
I was speaking to people and they say to continue to enjoy life and share what I can. Isn't that my mission I believe to be my reason to being here? I think this is so right!
I am very happy with being here. I am not cured on my temper Or that I am going to leave some thing alone when I don't agree or like what is said or done. And still I am enjoying being a shopaholic. I guess miracles are not made over night. I am still ME But for all I have I am blessed with many good things and happiness. I am content to enjoy what our Gods and Mother gives me now. And not to worry about things I cannot change.
I have found the blood found in my throat was from the first attempt to put down the tube into my lungs. As my throat was so swollen it wasn't able to go where it belonged. And the air they tried to give me couldn't for the same reason.
I am still curious of what they did to save me. Always being curious of medical facts and procedures, etc.
I am grateful to not having a trachea tube put in, it could have or would have destroyed my voice box and I would be needing a microphone to be heard in a strange voice not known to me. I wonder if that would have curtailed my love of talking? Made it harder to get things out? Would people have had the patience? Well I am "lucky" I don't have to find out! :-)
And one of my friends is upset that I say I am "lucky" to still being here. That "luck" has nothing to so with it. Well call it a phrase of speech, if you like.
Happiness is wonderful. Life is beautiful. Even if there are things and people who still bug and bother me! Smiling from ear to ear.
[ back to top ] added 6/12 as my side navagation does not work as it should, on the side.
posted by LadyIrene @ 5/29/2006 05:06:00 PM
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